Amy Winehouse is doing some rapping this week in what looks like a bid to help out her friend Zalon, an R&B soul singer, who has sung backup for the "Troubled Singer" (has anyone ever thought of trademarking that? "Troubled Singer" I mean. The press used to always use it in reference to Britney, then Amy, and now Amy shares it with Chris Brown. At the very least, it's a good name for an experimental solo project).
In a video posted online Amy spews some pretty incomprehensible rhymes about being a "Jewmaican" and smoking bacon. At one point she says, "Y'understand what I'm sayin'" to which I must reply, no, no I don't. Zalon sits in the background singing along. So, this is what viral marketing has come to. Well, I didn't know who he was before and I do now, so well done.
But what the Jeepers is with the shrieking, when the cameras move off Amy? Is someone covering her with cockroaches or sticking ice down her pants? It's disconcerting!
Amy Winehouse has started her own record label and the first signee will be her 13-year-old goddaughter Dionne Bromfield.
Man, it seems like it would be so gratuitous to ask the question we all want the answer to but if I don't there is going to be a really BIG elephant in this metaphorical room, so here goes…somebody made Amy Winehouse the godmother of their CHILD? As in, 'I trust you more than anyone I know. Therefore, if anything happens to me I bequeath my precious offspring to your care and guidance' ??? What are this kid's parents' other friends and family like that Amy was the best option? Are they all Crips, Bloods and members of the Manson Family?
OK, that was too far. The Manson Family is not funny and I am not suggesting that drunken, fan-punching, crackheads are only one step away from cold-blooded, murderous cult members. But you get what I mean. Also, I guess they picked her 13 years ago, before she got the way she is. Also also to add the usual caveat, I love Amy Winehouse but, even if she lived next door, I wouldn't let her babysit a goldfish. Also, also, also, it's been THREE years since Back to Black Amy. How about just making a new record of your own? Hm?
In what has to be one of the most audacious claims ever made, Blake Fielder-Civil ex-husband of Amy Winehouse, is asking for a $9.9 million divorce settlement.
A quickie divorce was granted Thursday and will be absolute in six weeks, according to MTV. The couple was married in 2007. Blake spent a fair chunk of married life behind bars and earned the nickname "Blake Incarcerated" after Amy's touching 2007 Grammy dedication to her "husband Blake incarcerated."
Blake apparently feels he is entitled to this vast sum because he was the "inspiration" for most of Amy's 2006 album, Back to Black. Amy wrote the lyrically-fraught-with-heartbreak LP after Blake cheated on her with his ex-girlfriend. The album includes such lyrics as:
Sigh. You know those reports that Amy Winehouse's St. Lucia gig was cut short due to "weather?" Yeah, it turns out that what they meant by "weather" was "Amy stumbling around drunk, forgetting her lyrics, yelling at roadies to get her more drinks, getting booed, collapsing, waking up and lunging at a back-up singer." TA-DA! It did, in fairness, rain. But things weren't exactly going swimmingly up to that point.
Oh GIRL. It is getting so VERY HARD to stick up for you. Not that anyone is surprised. But what we really would like is for you to surprise us. Seriously. I love surprises.
Amy Winehouse wants to write children's books. Of course she does. That makes so much sense.
Femalefirst.co.uk got it from Britain's Daily Star that Amy has been writing poems about her life, inspired by her pal Pete Doherty and that she "hopes to inspire youngsters with her literary offerings."
Inspire them to do what, exactly?
A source said, "Pete Doherty once told her that poetry was a good way to express yourself, so she thought writing a book of poems about her life would be a fine start.
Amy Winehouse's comeback isn't going so well, at least not according to her label. This is according to the UK Sun.
It seems that the demo tracks Troubled Singer wrote and recorded in the Caribbean have left her bosses wringing their hands (which is probably a full time part of the job when you're managing Amy Winehouse. In fact, I imagine there are interns hired specifically for hand wringing). She was "very productive" an "insider" told The Sun. "She wrote a hell of a lot of songs, but the majority of them just aren't hitting the mark."
Amy "Troubled Singer" Winehouse has asked her parents to look after her $25 million fortune.
The UK Mirror says the "wayward" singer (I love how all articles about Amy have to come with the same unfortunate descriptive adjectives) doesn't trust herself and has handed control of her fortune over, presumably to stop herself spending it all on crack. She now won't be able to spend anything without the consent of at least one of her parents, Mitch and Janis, who divorced when Amy was just nine.
Amy Winehouse is apparently terrified of joining the "27 Club" – the group of rock stars and musicians who died at the age of 27. The board of directors is made up of Brian Jones, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain. Other members in include Robert Johnson, The Grateful Dead's Ron "Pigpen" McKernan, and Hole's Kirsten Pfaff.
Her former personal assistant told the News of the World that 25-year-old Amy, also known in the press as "Troubled Singer" (Can we put a moratorium on that? Who do I speak to?) is "obsessed with her own mortality" and estimates that she spent about $5000 a week feeding her drug habit.
Remember how last week Blake Fielder-Civil told the News of the World that he was walking away from his marriage to beautiful temptress Amy Winehouse because he loves her too much to go near her? And how much it pains him to stay away? And how he wanted absolutely nothing from her? Remember?
Well now the tabloid is reporting that a source told them he's a filthy liar and that he has actually demanded $1.5 million to walk away from the marriage and not write a tell all book about it.
Blake, released from prison then incarcerated anew after failing a rehab drug test, apparently told his mother that Amy's dad Mitch had offered him $75, 000 to go away but Mom says that's an insult because Amy is worth millions and he is therefore entitled to more.
It's been a topsy turvy year for Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse. Those crazy kids with their drug problems and psychodramas.
It's funny how these two – who have nothing in common musically - have become two characters in the same cautionary tale, used as joint examples of how things in the music biz can go oh so horribly wrong.
And while not too long ago the prognosis for both was about the same, things are looking a little shinier for Britney than Amy as 2008 draws to a close.
One's getting better while the other gets worse. Britney's making catchy tunes and looking all glossy while Amy sinks deeper and deeper into the pit of despair.
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